Lynn Wachtmann is an asshole. (HT: Consumerist.)
Since 90% of you aren't from Ohio, you might want to know who Lynn Wachtmann is. Lynn Wachtmann is a politician from my hometown of Napoleon, Ohio. Through my childhood, he served as our representative to the Ohio House, then moving on to the Senate, then back to the House (leaving office only as a result of term limits) where he currently serves. He has a long track record of being an asshole, including:
1. Beating up a teenage girl he thought was his daughter, but wasn't.
November 7, 1994 Columbus Dispatch
A state legislator said he is sorry he slapped a 15-year-old girl who was at a party with his daughter.
State Rep. Lynn Wachtmann, R-Napoleon, said he mistakenly slapped the girl Sept. 25 after he and three other parents removed their children from a party where alcohol was being served to minors.
All were being driven from the party in Wachtmann's van, which he stopped later to discipline his daughter. In the dark, Wachtmann said he slapped the wrong girl.
Note that he didn't apologize for slapping a 15-year-old girl. He apologized for slapping the wrong girl. If he had slapped his own daughter, apparently, that would have been fine. He was re-elected in a landslide following the incident.
Also, I totally wasn't at that party or anything.
2. Got arrested for drunken boating.
October 3, 2000 AP
Sen. Lynn Wachtmann pleaded guilty to a charge of operating a boat while impaired on a Michigan lake and will be sentenced in November.
Wachtmann, R-Napoleon, was charged Sept. 3 with operating a pontoon while under the influence of liquor.
According to court records, Wachtmann registered a 0.13 blood-alcohol content when tested by Branch County Sheriff's Department officers.
You have to be pretty soused to operate a boat so badly you get pulled over for it. Trust us, we own a boat. Sort of. We totally don't know someone who was on that boat at the time he got busted.
3. He voted against switching from the electric chair to lethal injection as Ohio's form of capital punishment.
November 16, 2001 Dayton Daily News
The vote in the Senate was 26-3 with Sens. C.J. Prentiss, D-Cleveland, Tim Ryan, D-Niles, and Lynn Wachtmann, R-Napoleon, casting the "no" votes.
The Georgia Supreme Court in October struck down the use of the electric chair, saying it violated the state Constitution's ban on cruel and unusual punishment.
You know you're in bad shape when Georgia looks positively advanced by comparison.
4. He voted against a crackdown on telemarketers.
May 7, 2003 AP
Democrats joined Republicans in the GOP-controlled Senate to vote 32-1 in favor of the bill. Sen. Lynn Wachtmann, a Republican from Napoleon, who voted 'no,' said the bill was bad for small businesses and consumers.
If consumers really didn't want companies to call, telemarketers wouldn't bother them "because there wouldn't be the demand," Wachtmann said.
5. He similarly voted against a crackdown on internet spam.
November 18, 2004 Toledo Blade
COLUMBUS - A northwest Ohio lawmaker was the sole dissenter yesterday as the Senate voted 29-1 to approve a bill aimed at putting e-mail spammers in the can.
"This is overkill," said state Sen. Lynn Wachtmann (R., Napoleon), saying that companies that accidentally send as few as five e-mails could be targeted. "This is in the eye of the beholder. Do we want to hamper and create such a burden on commercial users of the Internet?"
But state Sen. Ron Amstuz (R., Wooster) said Mr. Wachtmann misinterpreted what the legislation says.
The bill, sponsored by state Rep. Kathleen Walcher (R., Norwalk), would make it a crime if someone uses false information to register five or more e-mail accounts and fraudulently uses them to transmit unsolicited commercial e-mail.
None of these atrocities, however, compare to his latest caper, his co-sponsoring of 2007 HB 287:
To enact section 2919.124 of the Revised Code relative to requiring paternal consent before an abortion may be performed.
Oh, it gets better.
A pregnant woman seeking to abort her pregnancy shall provide, in writing, the identity of the father of the fetus to the person who is to perform or induce the abortion.
What if she got pregnant at a sperm bank? What if she was raped?
A copy of a police report or a complaint, indictment, information, or other court document that gives the person who is to perform or induce the abortion reasonable cause to believe that the woman became pregnant as the result of rape or incest.
Only 16 percent of rapes are reported to police, for reasons you might imagine. But wouldn't the co-sponsors of this bill (there are seven more of them) have considered this? Let's take a look at them.
One of these things is not like the other,
One of these things just doesn't belong.
Anyway, it gets better. Here are some circumstances under which a woman could not get an abortion:
1. Her husband impregnates her, is called up to the Army, and is killed in Iraq. The woman decides it's wrong to raise a child by herself in these tough times, and... WHOOPS, WHERE'S THE FATHER'S SIGNATURE? Sorry, he's dead.
2. Two fourteen-year-old kids fool around and she gets pregnant. Obviously this girl is in no position to raise a child and she and the parents decide she'll get an abortion. The father is run over by Stephen King in a van and goes into a coma. He can't sign the form, so the girl can't get the abortion (even though her parents approve!)
It gets better. Say I'm a man (I am) and a woman I didn't sleep with claims I'm the only man she slept with. You know, like Billie Jean. I'm forced to submit my personal DNA to THE STATE in order to prove I didn't do anything wrong, and that's on the public record. If I refuse to provide the state a sample of my DNA, I'm ARRESTED FOR ABORTION FRAUD.
Anyway, this law is just bizarre, and that Wachtmann is behind it doesn't surprise me one bit. He's a prick, and I don't call people that often, especially people I see in person on a regular basis. But, then, I live in Florida now.