April 2005 Archives

You'll have that in the big city

It appears I will once again be attending the cinema this evening as I've nothing to do. Tonight, it's Hitchhiker. We shall see if it is any good. I hope to be more entertained than I was last night.I'm also hungry. I should go out to dinner tonight, I haven't eaten out in weeks.


I haven't recorded anything for y'all in a while, so here's a rerun from a few months ago.I'm sorry I woke you upJenn's gone for the weekend. My personal weekend plans, hmm, who knows.



entertainmentweakly finally has content

http://www.entertainmentweakly.comThe dream I've had since high school is finally starting to go.. somewhere. It's not much, but it's better than the "entertainmentweakly.com coming soon" message that's been there for four years now.(with the help of aeforge of course)

My life is about to improve greatly

I have located a source for the very elusive:No more Kraft Horseradish. No more Jack Daniel's Brown. No more Mr. Mustard. No more Colman's. No more Don Shula, and no more of the other brands I've had to live with since moving here.woot.

via _mathlete

Reply to this post and I'll tell you something I adore about you.Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal to do the same.

oh jesus

I have a headache today, which means I must have had a good time last night.

a few random items which will some day be cohesively placed into a story

1) i saw dick vitale last night. i actually took his photo.

See, there he is. He actually lives down in Sarasota.

2) I met someone last night who was both engaged (with a quite large diamond) and a Harvard graduate who called attention to neither fact until quite late in the evening. I found that very admirable and gave her my number. She won't call.

3) I have fallen to a hypermasculinity around gay men that I don't quite understand. I guess it's from all the years of having mainly gay friends or something, but now I have this really odd behaviour where I always make some comment relating to my heterosexual lifestyle when I am in conversation with gay men I've just met. This is as opposed to just letting them assume I am gay and then telling them later "actually i like girls, sorry."

4) I don't want a girlfriend. I don't even want someone to sleep with, really. What I want is someone to have a crush on. I haven't had a crush in a really long time, and I sort of need that feeling of falling off the proverbial flagpole.

4.5) Is there a way to ameliorate the grammatical issue with "have a crush on"?

5) What proverbial flagpole? I'll write about that next week sometime. I've been planning a post about my high school philosophical axioms for a while. The flagpole theory is just one of a handful of things I came up with when I was sitting in math class, bored, 14, and far smarter than I am now.
Current Mood: guilty

Phone Post


http://www.audioscrobbler.com/music/Timothy+Burkei show up on audioscrobbler. how hilarious and or awesome is that

eh, whatever

here's the song i wrote that i think kind of sucks but i had five minutes before i have to hop in the shower and go to class, so here it is. maybe you'll like it. it's a lot more honest than i usually am.

http://www.entertainmentweakly.com/comet.mp3 (4:15, 1.5meg, summer?)


I am so fucking furious with the Cleveland Indians' offense right now.

They are welcome to gobble my c0ck.

Jake Westbrook has a 1.04 WHIP and a 3.81 ERA and is 0-4. The Tribe is averaging .75 runs per game when he pitches. That is fucking bullshit. I could gather eight of my buddies and manage to score one fucking run.

The Indians are second to last in the majors in BA, second to last in on base percentage, and #26 in runs scored. (Compare this to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, mocked everywhere in the media including on The Simpsons, who are #4 in the majors in BA and #11 in runs).

We are worse than the Devil Rays. It is time to panic.


Also, someone tell David Wright to start hitting. Just because he hit a grand salami the other day doesn't get him off the hook for his .234 batting average. The hopes and dreams for my fantasy team lie on his shoulders. GO METS

I want to poke out my ears with pencils

So I have heard a lot about this band My Chemical Romance but had never heard their music. Yesterday, my local station played a song by them. JESUS FUCKING HELL. It was the worst thing I really truly have ever heard. I would listen to Gwar before listening to My Chemical Romance. I would listen to Cannibal Corpse before listening to My Chemical Romance. As far as I can tell, they exist only to scream and make noise with guitars. I really am amazed that someone signed them to a record contract and that they are on the radio.Anyway, they followed up the song by announcing this contest where you get to play kickball with My Chemical Romance. I am inclined to enter, if only for the prospect of being able to maim one or all members of the band and preferably defeat their ability to unleash any more horrible music on this peaceful, loving world.In other news, I finished my final paper for autoethnography. It's 32 pages, so I'll put it up later and anyone with the patience can read it. It's a pretty good paper, I think.

Comedy College

There are two weeks left in the semester. The college where I teach has decided to start calling the references I put on my application form. What are they going to do? Un-hire me? THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER. Cripes.

So the VW fest is today, not yesterday. I drove all the way to Bradenton for nothing but ended up taking lots of photos at the track and then at Lake Manatee and went to an outlet mall and bought some books. So, I am a dumbass, but a productive one. I'll write more about my day later. I have to get moving BACK TO BRADENTON for the actual VW fest. But I wanted to write about something that really upset me.As I crossed the Sunshine Skyway bridge for the first time, I excitedly anticipated the moment when I reached its apex. I love bridges, and this one, with its gleaming golden cables and its twice-as-long-as-any-other-bridge-of-its-type machismo, really appealed to me.There it is. Note the hulking menace that is Tropicana Field in the background. Having both in the same shot is the architectural equivalent of a red carpet photo of Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek.Anyway, I am calmly driving my little green Jetta up to the top, and you can see all the weather equipment and all that stuff they put at the top because it's really fucking high, right? There's a story, of course; the original Sunshine Skyway was smashed apart 25 or so years ago. A very large boat rammed into it during a storm, and the bridge gave out underneath something like 40 cars, tossing people to their deaths. Kind of depressing. But not as depressing as what comes next.So I get to the top, and I'm so very excited to be at the top. UNTIL. There is a giant red sign and a giant red phone. The sign reads the equivalent of "OMG DON'T KILL YOURSELF." Actually, it probably reads "Emergency Distress Operator Line" or something even more frightening.Instantly, I became very, very upset. And I don't get upset often; I'm a cold, emotionless prick. But I really got depressed and upset after that. And even now, typing this story, relating it to you, my body remembers that sensation of nausea that accompanied the cognitive processing of what the sign meant.That someone could be so troubled as to go to the lengths of jumping from the FUCKING SUNSHINE SKYWAY is really, really upsetting to me. You had better be really, really sure of your decision, because you're going have a lot of time to think about it on the way down.Anyway, I felt that I needed to relate that story to y'all. Even more troubling is that in my googling for a good photo (didn't like what I found so I used the one I took yesterday) the first hit was for a pool where people bet on when the next person to jump from the Skyway will be. Ugh.

The day

So I am in a hurry because I have to go wash my car. But here is the deal.I came home last night and had to park down the street because there were like six cars in our driveway and the spaces around it. Neither Jenn nor Caitlin's cars were anywhere to be found. Hrm. I park over on the street, on the other side of the neighbourhood. No big deal. I come inside and scare Caitlin shitless, she's got all these people over, big party. No big deal. It would be for Jenn, but she's not around. I go upstairs and go to bed, hoping they all leave by the morning because I need to pull the car into my driveway to wash it. I wake up this morning, look out the windows, and see the driveway empty. So all I have to do is walk across the neighbourhood to retrieve my car. No big deal. I see the house is a bit of a mess, but nothing that can't be vaccuumed up. No big deal. Someone tried to cook something without removing the burner cover and scorched it. No big deal. I open up the freezer to get the canister of coffee out because I am an addict and cannot function in the morning without it. I notice all my girl scout cookies have been eaten.Big. Fucking. Deal.Today: 10:00 leave for Bradenton. 11:00 arrive in Bradenton for VW fest. 4:00 leave Bradenton for Raymond James Stadium. 5:00 arrive, tailgate. 7:00 USF Spring Game. After that, who knows.


Starting this week, USF gives us all free blogs running WordPress. RSS, TrackBack, everything. And free photo galleries!I just need to decide what to use it for. Maybe I'll put all my intelligent stuff there and use this as my sex journal from now on. ha ha ha, because that would mean both would go un-written-in.

Two or three things I know for sure

Two or three things I know for sure, and one of them is that if the Daily Show calls wanting to interview you, then you're probably an idiot.

Concert meme from kaytay253

Reply to this post, bolding the ones you've seen. If you care to, I suppose you can take the bolded entries, add more to get to 20 (though I'm guessing a lot of people haven't seen 20 bands/artists live, I dunno what those people are supposed to do) and post it in your LJ.1. Sarah McLachlan2. Barenaked Ladies3. Morris Day & the Time4. Goo Goo Dolls5. Jewel6. Counting Crows7. Soul Asylum8. Gin Blossoms9. Garrison Starr10. The Rugburns11. Tara MacLean12. Sarah Slean13. Dishwalla14. Old 97's15. Fiona Apple16. Ben Folds17. John Prine18. Concrete Blonde19. Alex Chilton20. They Might Be Giantsi voluntarily left off all the bands i saw at the concert for the rock & roll hall of fame at old Cleveland Stadium. Obviously, that would make for over 20 artists itself: Mellencamp, Springsteen, Johnny Cash, Aretha, Chuck Berry, James Brown, Bob Dylan, et cetera. it was tough to leave cracker, the moody blues, the beach boys, and 7 Mary 3 off the list too.

an update

This is so phenomenally coincidental it is hilariously funny. If you haven't read the previous post to this, read it then come back to this one.Christopher from "The Apprentice" was arrested last night. Where was he arrested? The Seminole Hard Rock Casino in Tampa. Why was he arrested?Because they wouldn't let him into the nightclub.#1 How I missed all the commotion of the cast of The Apprentice being in the casino is beyond me.#2 How I missed all the commotion of the loudmouth dude from The Apprentice getting arrested is beyond me.#3 IF THE GUY FROM THE APPRENTICE CAN'T GET INTO THE NIGHTCLUB, WHO CAN???

Re: I got a fever...

So I woke up around 3pm, a little peeved that I missed so much golf. Luckily, all the excitement was to follow and is still going on as I type.

I realize that a lot of people think that golf is boring. I know a lot of you think sports are stupid in general. I guess I would reply with a dramatistic perspective; all of life is a drama, and if you don't think the story that's told in Tiger's shot on 16 today isn't a compelling, evocative one than I want to shake you violently.

I met Dave at the bar last night, who begged me to go to the casino with him. So I went, and we left in his car around 11pm or so. Now, our Hard Rock is not really a casino, but more like a giant building with several thousand shitty slot machines and a fairly large poker room. So we arrive, and Dave is pretty drunk, but assures me he knows what he's doing. He doesn't, really, but we get our names on the list and buy chips and somehow end up at the same table, which we really didn't want but oh well.

So we sit at this table with these guys from UF who I keep mocking and we're there for a few hours. I'm up $60 at some point, but ended up losing like 40 bucks. I finish up and leave the table, but I realize all the bars are closed. All the bars, that is, except for the nightclub (there was a bar up front I didn't know about either, but that factors into the story later). So I try to get into the nightclub but apparently I wasn't dressed trashily enough (I don't know what it is about casinos that make the women there dress like hookers, or maybe they are hookers, but... anyway, I wasn't one of the pretty people I guess, regardless of the fact I looked pretty good yesterday and was dressed well) so they wouldn't let me in. So I sat on my ass doing nothing for a while, walked around the casino, then finally convinced Dave to leave, but we didn't leave, we went up front to that other bar, but they wouldn't let us in either. Dave goes a little nuts and finds the security supervisor. I don't know what he said to the guy, but the next thing I know, we're being escorted to the front bar (he'd asked us if we wanted to go to the nightclub, but Dave said no, the dumbass) and all of a sudden we have drinks.

Dave's mouth either brings glory or ruin; this time it was glory. After another drink, the bars closed down and we went back for more poker, though I really just wanted to go home. Dave bankrolled me 20 bucks (I had plenty of money, I don't quite follow why that happened)

This story is too long. Long story short, I win Dave some money, we eat breakfast at the hotel restaurant, and I get home at 11am.

Where did all this time come from?

So my semester is basically over. Yeah, there's still a few more weeks, but all the real work I have to do for class is finished. Now it's just cruise-until-May time. That having been said, I've been sitting here all day watching the Masters, amazed at the fact I have nothing, at all, to do.How bizarre.I think I will go to Primetime tonight, though that place is so dead sometimes. I guess it's a gamble. If anyone else has a better idea of what to do, give me a head's up. Some of my friends are out of town this weekend, so things are a little open.

Sto lat! Sto lat! Niech żyje, żyje nam.

Happiest of birthdays to one of the coolest Brits I know, and that's saying a lot, tinafizz. May she who introduced me to Coleman's English Mustard live to be 100. And regardless of how the chips ended up, I trounced you at poker last night. ha ha ha. You all should go over there and wish her a happy birthday. *snicker*

Opening Day!!!

So, this will sound girly or whatever, but I've lost so much weight I had to go out this morning and buy new underwear.And it's cool and it's the kind guys who are in shape wear and I'm very excited about it all. And then for the third time in a row, the person checking my ID is like "this isn't you, this picture is of a fat person" or whatever.I'm going to the Devil Rays game tonight. I know the Rays suck so bad their smallest, scrawniest player just got suspended for steroid use, but it's Opening Day. It's a true holiday for the baseball fan, and I've wanted to attend an Opening Day my entire life, and now I have the chance. I'm really excited.Here are a few notes on television.1. The West Wing is probably the best-written and best-acted programme in television history. Let us examine the pedigree of the actors currently appearing on The West Wing:Alan Alda (Four-time Emmy winner, Academy Award nominee)Martin Sheen (Emmy winner, 10-time nominee)Jimmy Smits (Emmy winner, like 12-time nominee)Patricia Richardson (four-time Emmy nominee)Tim Matheson (two-time Emmy nominee)Ed O'Neill (nominated twice for Golden Globe, but more importantly, was Al Bundy)Stockard Channing (Oscar nominee, ten-time Emmy nominee/one-time winner, Rizzo)Bradley Whitford (Emmy winner, played Evil Eric, married to the luscious Jane Kaczmarek)Allison Janney (Four-time Emmy winner)John Spencer (Six-time Emmy nominee/One-time winner)Joshua Molina (Was on Sports Night, thus making him one of the coolest people ever)Richard Schiff (Emmy winner)Gary Cole (not nominated for anything, but almost played Sonny Crockett. Also, is the voice of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law)Teri Polo (Meet the Parents)Ron Silver (Emmy nominee, conservative whackjob)Mary-Louise Parker (Emmy winner, Adam Duritz love interest)Marlee Matlin (Oscar winner)Brian Dennehy (No, not fuckin' Brian Dennehy)Stephen Root (Newsradio, O Brother Where Art Thou)...Kids, that's just in the past two weeks. 2. I'd write more but I have to get ready for the game. I'll finish this post later. GO DEVIL RAYS!


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    This page is an archive of entries from April 2005 listed from newest to oldest.

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