January 2005 Archives


I am doing a performance tomorrow about Spam. I am putting four randomly selected spam emails from my Yahoo! spam folder to music.

Here is a preview I just recorded.


i swear to god i'm a geek, not a nerd

I am nerdier than 83% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!d'oh


Maura Tierney, or, more accurately, her character Abby Lockhart, is wearing a headband on tonight's ER episode.

Two confessions:

  • I believe that the headband is the ideal female accessory.
  • Maura Tierney regularly occupies my top slot of "favourite actress."
So, seeing my favourite actress wearing a headband was an exceptionalthrill this evening. It's sad that women don't wear them very oftenanymore. They were quite popular about ten years ago, then disappearedfrom sight. I would like to see a revival of the headband. Preferablypaired with some bangs.


Be somebody's fool this year

Eight p.m. The sky was empty, new moon being only an evening away. Cloudless, it gave access to a sea of stars normally washed out by the bright illumination of the city. At the top of a parking garage, I leaned against the fender of my rented convertible, picked out constellations I remembered from college, and waited.

A swift Kick


"WARNING: Contains Stuff you don't even want to know about!!"

"Do Not Taunt, provoke, or aggravate this product."

"WARNING: May be too intense for some members of the general public."

It came from the great minds of Royal Crown cola. Their goal: to compete with Mountain Dew for the coveted "young person's highly caffeinated citrus drink." Brought to national market in 1995, the fizzy drink had an equal amount of caffeine as the Dew with twice as much attitude. Mind you, this is before Mountain Dew became "extreme." Kick was the first beverage to feature a URL on the can and the first soda to appropriate the wide-mouth style that had been previously introduced by Coors ("Less glug," anyone?).

I was an early adopter of Kick, and took to carrying sixpacks with me everywhere I went. It tasted better than Mountain Dew and was only 35 cents in machines (I don't remember how much six packs were but they were cheap, apparently). Not everyone thought Kick was as great as I did.

From: g...@arh0280.urh.uiuc.edu (Geoge Gruschow)
Subject: Re: Kick Soda
Date: 1995/08/31
Message-ID: <424tds$i7m@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>#1/1

I bought Kick the first time I saw it (I'll try almost anything), and I
hadn't ever seen an ad for it (still haven't).. not even the people in
the store knew what the heck it was. I took it out to the picnic I
was going to, and I was astounded.. It was Mountain Dew! I mean, it
wasn't really Mountain Dew, it was just the same taste again (you know
that funny milky citrus type taste in Mello Yello, Mountain Dew, and
Generic Citrus Drinks). I hate Mountain Dew!

Moral of the story.. GG's opinion of Kick: It sucks. Jolt Kicks Kick's Ass.

Well, he is a losar. Huge losar.

Ryan Flannery of the Kentucky Kernel didn't like it either, as he wrote on September 8th, 1995:

The following warning, yes, warning appears on cans of Kick: "Contains stuff you don't even want to know about." Needless to say, I read the ingredients. Among those listed were gum acacia, sweat from the brow of Larry (a worker at the bottling plant) and other natural flavors. Certainly, gastrointestinal juices from a dead opossum on New Circle Road would fall into the "other natural flavors" catagory (among other things). If you look up gum acacia in the dictionary, I'm pretty sure you'll discover it's just tree sap. Sounds refreshing, huh? They were right. I didn't want to know about this stuff.

Clearly this guy thought he was some kind of amateur Burke and Kline or something.

Anyway, Jenn didn't remember Kick, nor did her thugged-out boy toy of the moment, so it might have never been a national product. Or perhaps others didn't have the love affair with it I did. Oh well. I miss it. After it went off the market, I switched to drinking beer, and I haven't really gone back to soda.

Maybe some day.


top five retired fast food products in no particular order

burger king rodeo burger
taco bell steak burrito bellgrande
mcdonald's McDLT
KFC Chicken Littles sandwiches
wendy's cheddar lover's cheeseburger

lick 'em stix

There is allegedly an inauguration today. I suppose people will be celebrating. Well, good for them.

Last night I taught my class down in Ybor then walked over to theImprov to hopefully see my friend Gabe perform on an open mic night. Mystudents managed their way through their introduction speeches and it's clear I have my hands full this semester. Let's just say I have a lotof assertive women in my class who are not impressed by my role asprofessor one bit. I guess that's a good thing, but a stretch from thefair amount of discipline I'm used to dealing with (even in theprison).

I'd not been in the Improv before, but it's a really nice place. Therest of Ybor was pretty much dead, which I guess makes sense for a"cold" Wednesday, but I rather wish there were more places busierbecause I really do want to get out down there more often.

I couldn't get into the Improv in time to see Gabe's act, though, whichsucked. I did get to see quite a few other comics, none of whom wereparticularly funny. The guy who won was particularly lame, in myopinion, all dick and fart jokes.

Oh well, I guess that's what passes for humour these days.

We were, however, treated to a free act from tomorrow's headliner,which was cool because he was excellent. Gabe and I were rolling,though, I think we laughed harder than anyone else in there. Not surewhy.

On the way home stopped off at the LAHangout to see if my friends were still up there. They were,of course. I have long ago decided to stop singing at their Wednesdaynight karaoke (last week, i had to wait through an hour and a half of "regulars" singing the same songs they sing every week, just so i could sing one johnny cash song. lame) so we played trivia and Golden Tee. i did well at the trivia part, not so well at the golden tee. Meanwhile, my eyeskept shifting to the one woman in the bar, a blonde with enormous fake... yeah. I'm talking, disproportional. She was with one of those thugboys who doesn't know how to wear his hat straight. It was almostenough to make me abandon trivia forever.


You scored as Verbal/Linguistic. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers.















The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com

Love actually

I had an assignment to write a story about this guest lecturer whom was an applicant for an open position in our department. She came and spoke to our class last week. Instead of doing the obvious I went in a bit different a direction.


Well, I gave in to all y'all's pressure and opened this. Hope it's worth it.


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